Home Sweet Home

So in my normal tradition, I've titled my post according to what song I'm listening too. How odd, you'll find out why as you reach the bottom of the post.

So there have been many times I've been tempted over the last few months to just sit down and express on my blog how unhappy I am with my life is right now. And I haven't. First, because no one really wants to hear about the crappiness in some one's life while reading a blog. Second, b/c I work in new media and have only begun to learn about how crazy Internet stalking go and I don't want Joe Bob from Company X in several years to discover this blog while he's stalking me on the Internet to find out my true candidacy potential. So, in a way, I feel I hit close to bottom this week. I still don't have many friends in New York. I know this is in part due to my personality. I'm quiet. I don't talk much in groups. And that's no one's fault, that's just the way I am. I had my good friends Jackie and Julie here for a week and a half. In a way, before they came, I felt almost emotionless. Like I couldn't care anymore, and I just don't like myself when I feel like that. Point is, Jackie and Julie came when I really needed them to without even knowing it.

Anyways, point is, I think everything happens for a reason. I know it. I haven't reached the great peak in my life where everything makes sense, but little signs along the way tell me God's out there waiting for me to find my true calling in life. So, I've had a few this weekend. I ended up going out w/ my friend Kira and her friends on Friday night. As some of you know, I don't get to go out much. But I had ONE drink, and we went to the second bar, and I ended up dancing with no extra help at all (with an awkward situation on top of that). Have I ever done this? No. Then yesterday, I really wanted to go see StopLoss. I had no one to go with, so I went by myself. Which is completely fine. I couldn't really afford popcorn, but for some reason I really wanted some. And you know what happened? I got a free small popcorn coupon with my AMC card. Dinky, I know, but why the one time I want popcorn and can't afford it do I get a free small popcorn coupon? StopLoss was a really good movie. And I love Ryan Philippe. Mmm....I do!!

So then I went to barnes and noble in quest of a book I can devour b/c I'm still having book hangover from the outlander series. After spending an hour and a half in the store, I remember I want to read Mists of Avalon. Keys to the book: Historical, King Arther, and the most important part of any book I read.....a little romance. Done I'm already on page 40 and when you pick up this book it looks like it could be the bible. Not so much of a sign, but I'm glad it's a page turner for the subway.

Then this morning I decided I'd go to church at 9:30 because I want to watch the KU/Davidson game. So I went. I got turned around as I tend to do on the Upper West Side, could have been late, but I got there at 9:35. Mass was just about to begin. I know I'm not the best Catholic out there. I strive to be in my own way, though. Would you like to know what the homily was about? Fear of becoming part of the community. You know what? This is what I've been struggling with all week. And God just throws it in my face and says "What are you going to do about it? I'm here, I've got your back, you will fall some (what I've been doing), but it'll be OK in the end." So yeah. I need to get out there. I need to feel like a complete idiot with a huge group, but I can do it. Anyways, this was the biggest sign of all. Now, just where to find these groups is another question. But I figure if I get out there, with a little divine intervention, I'll find the right one.

Finally, I got paid. I had two spend $50 and only pay $25 at ann taylor loft. So I decided to go shopping after church. So there's this green dress I've been fixated on for a good month and a half. It's gone. The nice lady helping me finds the black one for me. OMG. I was in love. In fact, I have it on (trying it on w/ the shoes at home). I spent way too much money at ATL but I'm not upset with my spending (yet anyways). Got two black sweaters too.

Home sweet home. NYC can become that for me for the time I'm here. I just have to get out there and embrace it. And I know I can do that. I've only done that four other times in my life in four other places.

Have something your struggling with? I'm hear to listen (c; Cheesy, I know, had to throw in the little interaction part, like I do on my work blog posts. If you want to read those, shoot me an email and I'll give you the links. If I post 'em, bloggers have a really weird way of tracking the links that other bloggers post on the internet, and I wouldn't want them to read this stuff.